1. An inconvenient truth?

13 Mar

The truth is confusing. Something no one can really understand. Are we even meant to? What’s the truth? It’s ugly… It’s beautiful. I don’t really know what it is. I just know it when I come across it. The truth is something people don’t want to hear. I have a friend who says, “Don’t hold back. I’m a big girl.” She thinks she can handle the truth. But have you ever noticed when you share the truth it’s not well received? It’s nothing like you anticipated. Was I expecting too much? That’s a hole other subject. Expectations. Something my friend raised also. Perhaps they’re more closely related than I first thought. The truth is something I find I want to share more and more. I am who I am and I like who I am. I’m comfortable with the choices I’ve made. I guess I’m lucky because I’m finding there are a lot of people out there who aren’t comfortable with who they are and don’t even know who they are. I bet if they dug deep they’d find the God’s honest truth of who they are. And it’s probably not pretty. So facing up to the truth is hard for all of us. No one really wants to admit that they’re jealous, maybe even a little obsessive. But I’m telling you that’s what it is. Obsessive compulsive? Maybe. The truth is I’m not sure, but I’m not liking what I’m seeing. As I peer into the truth of this human being, I don’t really like what I see. Do I keep looking? Or do I take a step back and say, “It’s not for me.” I wish I had some balls because if I trust my gut instinct, where all truth lies, then I’d take the latter option. I’d say to my friend, “You know what, I gave it a go (our friendship that is) and I’m not really liking where it’s heading so if you don’t mind I might take off. Thanks for the offer though. Real sweet.” And that’d be that. Done with. No more agony, no more heart ache, no more obsessive behaviour. Scott free. Clean. Take a breath of fresh air. That’s what I’d really like to do. Again, I’m happy with who I am and the choices I’ve made. So I say aurevoir, say la vie (or however you spell it). My time is done here. Time to move on to greener pastures, healthier pastures, un-obsessive, jealous pastures. What’s with jealousy anyway? Insecurity? Low self-esteem. In all fairness, I don’t have much experience in this area. It’s foreign to me. Even out of this world. Alien. Sure I’ve felt jealous at times, but not to the point where it’s to the detriment of another human being. I think if you lose sight of what jealousy is then you’re bordering obsessive behaviour, even self-indulgent attitude. I’m no superhero. I’m just saying. Enough of the, “I don’t want to share you.” OR “I feel like I’m in competition with your other friends.” Honey the only competition is the one you created. So do I have the courage to speak this truth that my friend believes they seek? No. Not because I’m a coward, but because at the end of the day the truth hurts. And I’m not into hurting people…. not intentionally anyway. As I was alluding to before. I’m no martyr. I just like to live by some semblance of truth. Inconvenient or not.

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Posted by on March 13, 2011 in Uncategorized


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