So we live in pre-apocalyptic days. And in these pre-apocalyptic days the sun shines radiantly. In fact, the sun isn’t offering little kisses any more. Oh no! It’s War of the Sun. The sun now penetrates our beautiful ozone layer and smacks us so hard with its rays it’s almost like day-lightening. I have a confession to make. I’m a freckle phobe. What is a freckle phobe I hear you ask? It’s a person who is obsessed about not having freckles on either their person or that of another. I.e. my child. I was raised in the 80’s where the sun’s kisses were welcomed but not in my household. We were heavy on the slip, slop and slap factor. Never left home without a hat. Oh dear God no! It seems only natural to raise my child this way. But now, everyone has joined our sacred band wagon and is following suit. Excellent. It needs to be done. My poor little cherub gets the same treatment I did at her age: as I mentioned before with the slip, slop, slapping and now sliding factor (however she takes the glasses off within a minute). And yet the Sun God (let’s call him Ra) shines down upon thee and spits on her face. And behold one freckle followed by another and then another appear on her stunning baby skin. Before you know I’ve counted double figures. BLEEP! I’m obsessed with her having no freckles, yet I don’t mind these cute little kisses on my skin. Welcome to the Freckolution. It’s freckle mania out there and I’m a freckle phobe. I don’t mind them on other peeps but as soon as I start losing count of those dots and they start to blur my eyesight I get a headache and can’t look at the person. I think I o.d.’d on freckles in my past life. Please help me God. I don’t want to die of freckles, not again. As I sit here and type I take a look at my left arm and look at one cute little spot. I observe its colour, its shape, its size, its texture, is it smooth? Is there any freckle the same? Are they like a fingerprint and not one freckle is exactly the same as another? Wow. That’s interesting. I’m starting to admire these potential activities on my arm. I look at my right arm and notice there’s more on there than my left. Ah… my driving arm. The one that hangs out the window (being in the hot land down under – Australia for those of you that aren’t sure – we drive on the left, gotta follow in the footsteps of the anarch… oops I mean monarch. Strange how closely related those two words are?!!). Back to the Land of Freckles. I wonder how many movie titles could be renamed? There’s: Gone With The Freckle, The King’s Freckle, Black Freckle, 127 Freckles, 28 Freckles Later, Saving Private Freckle, Citizen Freckle, Rabbit Freckle, True Freckle, Three Men and a Freckle, and the freckle mania goes on. You get the freckle, I mean picture. I shall leave you with this wise quote: “there’s risks with freckles”.
5. The Freckolution